Saturday, March 31, 2012

A is for Arch Angel

Most-Wanted Monsters is thrilled to be one of more than a thousand blogs taking part in the 2012 A -Z Blogging Challenge - 26 opportunities to help you survive a paranormal apocalypse. Don't let our epic monster limericks fool you - the lore we share about the beasties featured in each daily post could literally save your life. Know them before they GET you!


An angel named Lucifer fell from grace
No love from heaven, condemnation in its place
He waged a heavenly war
But Gabriel evened the score
And a former arch angel now wears Satan's evil face

Let's be clear - we're not hunting the angels whose halos remain untarnished. Not the Michaels and Gabriels, the Raphaels or Jophiels. They're pretty much top dog in the somewhat complicated angel hierarchy.

But those fallen angels? Those are the dudes you've gotta keep your eye on. Like Lucifer, perhaps the most famous of the heavenly rogue. Referred to as Satan himself, this bad boy demon fell from glory and waged a war of epic proportions.

He's not the only one. From pop culture bad boys like author Becca Fitzpatrick's "Patch" to the female star of the band Poison's song about one, fallen angels have had more than their 15 minutes of fame, and are amassing a frightening bag of tricks.

We doubt you'd want to run in to ABADDON, the fallen angel of death. ANDREALPHUS has the power to turn you into a bird. And while AMDUSCIAS may appear in the form of a unicorn, we advise you to just walk away.

SURVIVAL TIP: Unless you're in possession of a Supernatural colt like the one wielded by the Winchester boys, we'd suggest you book it. Like, now.

Think of an "A" monster more scary than a fallen arch angel? Please do share.

And then, head over to some of the other blogs on the A-Z Blogging Challenge.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Monster Monday: Inanimate Objects

Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy – for some people, these creeptastic monsters are child’s play when pitted against something truly frightening. Inanimate objects.

No really, there’s even a name for it: Automatronophobia.

Not only does this fear have a title – it also has a list of B-grade movies that have catered to it.  Don’t believe us? Check out these top 5 flicks that surely went straight to DVD.

The Lift. With a tag line that urges you to “Take the stairs, take the stairs, for God’s sake take the stairs” you can’t help but wonder what terrifying thing happened to the writer of this “scary” elevator story.  For sure a very different tale than what Aerosmith sang about in the 80s. Silly, perhaps, but the movie warranted an American remake called The Shaft. Now that’s more up Stephen Tyler’s alley.

The Refrigerator. The average fridge might mean death to your diet, but in this “horrifying” flick, reaching inside has a much more final consequence: death. Because of course, the fridge is a portal to hell. Not quite Chronicles of Narnia material.  The movie might be full of cheese (ha!) but we love the awesome tagline: “No Survivors, Only Leftovers.”

Death Bed…The Bed That Eats. Or in this case, lures unsuspecting couples into its lair for a little late night smothering. The bed omits a dreadfully foul smell and then vomits yellow foam that eventually snuffs out your life. Sounds like a bit of a snoozer.

The Mangler. If ever you’ve thought about stuffing yourself into a folding shirt machine, this movie will definitely make you think twice. Especially if the said shirt folder is possessed – which the star of this flick obviously is. Bonus: the poster could also double for a killer Workplace Safety advertisement.

Maximum Overdrive. Pretty much every inanimate object in this Stephen King-directed movie comes to life for a homicidal blood bath of epic proportions. But the real monster? A psychotic vending machine that kills its victims by chucking soda cans at their groins.

Survival Tip: Clearly it’s not possible to avoid every object that gives you the heebie jeebies, but you might want to sidestep anything that shows signs of possession, omits a foul odor, or looks like a portal to another world. Just saying.

This Sunday, Most-Wanted Monsters is joining more than 1000 bloggers on the A-Z Blogging challenge. For each day in April (except subsequent Sundays) we’ll dish on some of the baddest, scariest monsters of all time. By the end of the month, you’ll know them – before they can GET you. New look. New beasties. And um…dreadfully rad (or is it bad?) poetry. You be the judge.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Monster Monday: The Parisian Catacombs

Arrete! C'est ici L'Empire de la Mort -- "Stop! Here is the Empire of the Dead."

Paris, France, considered the city of love and lights, has a macabre, dark side, literally underfoot. As with any ancient city, home to generation upon generation, one of the most challenging aspects of life is how to deal with the dead. Medieval Parisian cemeteries were literally bursting from the seams, bodies busting through walls and into the streets, the rotting corpses spreading disease -- something had to be done. It was decided that the network of abandoned limestone mines that the Romans had tunneled under the city would be filled -- with the dead. Cemeteries were emptied and bodies deposited in what is now known as the Parisian Catacombs.

Let’s be clear on this, we’re talking 6 million bodies. Piled high. Some of the bones displayed in intricate patterns; leg bones, arm bones, skulls with vacant, staring eye sockets. Others stacked so that visitors have to crawl over them to gain access to tunnels. This network of tunnels and caves is vast and the plans have been lost long ago. It is not known exactly how many, how far, or what they contain.

Along the tourist’s entry walls are quotes from French poets, hailing the Temple of the Dead, and the monster known as Death.

Today people flock to the catacombs, waiting hours to enter dim, narrow passageways that can only hold 200 people at a time. Stories abound – some have heard ghostly whispers, the cries of the dead, have seen flickering lights beckoning them to go down unexplored tunnels, or have felt an overwhelming sadness.

Survival tip: When visiting the catacombs, travel in pairs and don’t follow any flickering lights. You may be lost in the winding catacombs and join the empire of the dead before your time.

Here’s a video of one man’s tour:

Paris Catacombs from Michael John Grist on Vimeo.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Monster Monday: Demons

Today’s Demon (or daemon) is described as a sinister creature from Hell or the underworld, a beast with ‘divine power’ and the ear of Satan himself.

But it hasn’t always been that way.

Demons were once considered celestial beings, capable of helping others as well as causing harm. Not so much now.

During the Middle Ages, the demon was delegated as an evil creature from Hell by Christians and it all went underground from there.

Now, these inhuman supernaturals are a pop culture phenomena, particularly when it comes to exorcising them. Perhaps the most famous exorcism is that of Linda Blair in the Exorcist. In fact, if you adjusted for inflation, the Exorcist would be the top grossing R-Rated film of all time.

In more recent references, possessed humans have black, blank eyes and do bad things. Like, really bad.

Survival Tip: When a demon enters the human body, the only way to get them out is through exorcism. Thankfully, the Catholic Church is still performing them. So...who you gonna call? 

Monday, March 5, 2012

Monster Monday: Mad Scientists

Madness in great ones must not unwatch'd go.

~William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), Hamlet, Act III, sc. 1

The modern incarnation of the shaman, witch doctor, or wizard – men with supernatural knowledge and the ability to conjure magic, heal or curse at will, as well as create life, often in the form of monstrous beasts - is the Mad Scientist.

AKA: Monster Maker.

Mad Scientists are noteworthy for many reasons. They walk among us, equally feared and celebrated for their innovations. In the Victorian era we had Mary Shelley’s Victor Frankenstein and his reanimated, piece-meal monster, as well as, H.G. Well’s and the vivisection performing, human-animal hybrid creating Doctor Moreau. These men walk the line of insanity and reason, blending alchemy with science, such as the controversial claims of Paracelsus, an alchemist who created homunculus, an artificial human.

We must keep our MWM’s eyes on them…for they breed some of the monsters we hunt.

Most watched were men like the brilliant Nikola Tesla. Tesla sparked the invention of electricity, wireless communication, and constantly rivaled with his nemesis, Thomas Edison until the end of his career and his eventual production of a “death ray.”

In popular culture we have the powerful Doctor Doom from Marvel Comics, and the evil genius of Lex Luthor. While some Mad Scientists may have good intentions, the road to hell, as we all know, is paved with those babies. Friendly Mad Scientists just might be the most dangerous of all. Take the earnest, bumbling Doc Brown from Back to the Future, Vincent Price as “The Inventor” from Edward Scissorhands, “The Scientist” from 9, or Doctor Horrible from Joss Whedon’s Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog.

Survival Tip: Mad Scientists have an unofficial uniform: lab coat, wild hair, goggles, and may be wearing gloves and holding beakers. If you see an individual matching this description – KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN – they may lead you to one of the other Most-Wanteds on our hit list.

We leave you with the first act (of three) from Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog: