Monday, March 26, 2012

Monster Monday: Inanimate Objects

Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy – for some people, these creeptastic monsters are child’s play when pitted against something truly frightening. Inanimate objects.

No really, there’s even a name for it: Automatronophobia.

Not only does this fear have a title – it also has a list of B-grade movies that have catered to it.  Don’t believe us? Check out these top 5 flicks that surely went straight to DVD.

The Lift. With a tag line that urges you to “Take the stairs, take the stairs, for God’s sake take the stairs” you can’t help but wonder what terrifying thing happened to the writer of this “scary” elevator story.  For sure a very different tale than what Aerosmith sang about in the 80s. Silly, perhaps, but the movie warranted an American remake called The Shaft. Now that’s more up Stephen Tyler’s alley.

The Refrigerator. The average fridge might mean death to your diet, but in this “horrifying” flick, reaching inside has a much more final consequence: death. Because of course, the fridge is a portal to hell. Not quite Chronicles of Narnia material.  The movie might be full of cheese (ha!) but we love the awesome tagline: “No Survivors, Only Leftovers.”

Death Bed…The Bed That Eats. Or in this case, lures unsuspecting couples into its lair for a little late night smothering. The bed omits a dreadfully foul smell and then vomits yellow foam that eventually snuffs out your life. Sounds like a bit of a snoozer.

The Mangler. If ever you’ve thought about stuffing yourself into a folding shirt machine, this movie will definitely make you think twice. Especially if the said shirt folder is possessed – which the star of this flick obviously is. Bonus: the poster could also double for a killer Workplace Safety advertisement.

Maximum Overdrive. Pretty much every inanimate object in this Stephen King-directed movie comes to life for a homicidal blood bath of epic proportions. But the real monster? A psychotic vending machine that kills its victims by chucking soda cans at their groins.

Survival Tip: Clearly it’s not possible to avoid every object that gives you the heebie jeebies, but you might want to sidestep anything that shows signs of possession, omits a foul odor, or looks like a portal to another world. Just saying.

This Sunday, Most-Wanted Monsters is joining more than 1000 bloggers on the A-Z Blogging challenge. For each day in April (except subsequent Sundays) we’ll dish on some of the baddest, scariest monsters of all time. By the end of the month, you’ll know them – before they can GET you. New look. New beasties. And um…dreadfully rad (or is it bad?) poetry. You be the judge.

1 comment:

  1. Well I definitely won't be side=stepping your blog in April. Will they be B-grade poems? Awesome ...