If our May-long tribute to monstrous moms had you gasping in parental denial, we shudder to think how you’ll react to these Father’s Day-worthy beasties.
We’ve scoured mythology, pop culture and good old Google and narrowed it down to four terrifying papas who will make anyone think twice about becoming a “daddy’s girl.”
First up, the mighty Typhon.
There are Gods and there are monsters, but in Greek mythology there is no god/monster as powerful, dangerous and downright deadly as the mighty Typhon.
Described as a giant so tall his head touched the stars, Typhon had the body of a human with coiled legs that writhed and hissed as he moved. His main snake head hosted 100 other snake heads that continuously screamed sounds of various animals. But it was his blood red eyes that had the power to stop a man’s heart with fear, and a massive jaw that had the ability to breathe fire.
According to legend, Typhon was slayed by Zeus during an epic battle for Mount Olympus. Zeus conquered this mighty deadbeat dad by throwing Mount Etna on him, forever trapping Typhon under its weight. But being the fire-breathing monster/god he is, some say Typhon continues to struggle for freedom, causing volcanic eruptions each time he moves.
Maybe you’ve never heard of this terrifying Dad, but we guarantee you know about at least one of his children. Married to Echnida – half woman, half serpent – the monstrous couple created some of the most horrifying creatures of all mythological history, including:
Gorgon – snake-haired, snake-bodied humanoid whose stare could turn a person to stone;
Cerberus – three-headed dog that guards the entrance to Hades;
Chimera – part-lion, part-goat, part-snake – all monster;
Sphinx – half human, half lion who forces you to answer a riddle – or die;
Hydra - a nine-headed sepent who grew two new heads for every one that was cut off;
Nemean Lion – a giant lion with an impenetrable hide who later becomes the constellation lion;
Orthros – two-headed dog that lived with giants; and,
Ladon – snake that guarded the golden apples in the Garden of Hesperides.
Wow, and we thought our family Sunday dinners were tense…